I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
