I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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