Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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