I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
