Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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