we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
