Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
