i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
