ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
