Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
