I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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