Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I could fuck to npr.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
