Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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