I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
