I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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