Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
