nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
