I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
