I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
