It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
