I think I died a long time ago.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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