He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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