I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
