My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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