do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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