It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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