guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
