drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
