i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
