i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
