Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
