I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
