another moral hangover. fuck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
