Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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