She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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