Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
