Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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