No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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