Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
