he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
