somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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