Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
