pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
