I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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