Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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