it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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