just tell him i said nine months
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
