You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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