i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
