So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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