One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
