They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
