hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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