we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
