8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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