i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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