How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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