how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
