I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
