YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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