Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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