no, he came in my armpit
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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