he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
