Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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