Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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